The message is personal-the meaning is strong-and “Freedom” has become story, a design that I am so proud of.
For as long as I can remember I have suffered from depression on and off during my life. After having my daughter in the summer of 2013 it spiraled out of control. Before giving birth to my daughter depression was something I chose to mask from most people in my life. I have never been good with change, as I look back on events in my life that have taken place I am able to recognize any time I had a big change occured, good or bad, I fell back into that dark hidden hole. Most of the time I was able to cope and work through it, but after giving birth to my daughter the depression became so severe that I could not hide it anymore. I isolated family, friends. I lost friends. People who were once the biggest part of my life where no longer any part of my life at all. My lowest point was questioning whether or not my daughter would be a better person without me. When my mind would go to this dark place I would instantly think of my own mom and what my life would have been like if I didn’t have her. In a way, I think being mom saved me—it made me want to be better-do better-because that’s what my daughter deserved.
It took almost a year to get back to feeling somewhat like my “norm”.
When Emelia was 15 months old- I started this business, from that moment my life has drastically changed.
To say that I have all good days is a lie. In fact, it was a bad day when “Freedom” was born. It was a dark day, where I so quickly found myself sliding back down into that darkness. It was a day where you just don’t feel like you will ever be good enough. On a day of rejection. On a day where you wonder what exactly God is trying to do in your life, where you wonder what God is trying to teach you.
It’s funny how God works though. Because the next day- I turned on a cd I’ve listened to hundreds of times. The playlist played on in the car and then track three came on. I cried as I played the song over and over again—and then the line “there’s freedom in surrender” hit my ears, hit my heart, and it was in that moment I realized it was time to surrender all of this . It was time to surrender every ounce of darkness. It was time to let go. Let go— and stop questioning God.
Why is it when God doesn’t give us our way, doesn’t let our plans go the way we want we try to fight him on it? If God is shutting doors in our lives, why are we still banging on those doors he’s closing? Where is our trust? We might not understand what he is doing right now but someday we will. There’s glory everywhere, there’s even glory when we are in those dark valleys, we just have to keep trusting his light is there. God’s plans will always—always– be greater than our disappointments. When we learn to let go, when we let go of the control we think we have over our lives—that’s when our true faith is born.
So I ask you today, what is it that you need to surrender? What is it that you need to let go of to gain freedom in your own life? The days ahead won’t be easy, I can promise you that you will still have hard days, you will still enter valleys throughout this lifetime, but I can also promise you will gain peace.
Some people will insist that holding on is what makes your stronger, but sometimes I think strength comes from letting go.
Im thankful for that that season of loneliness and isolation because it was that season that allowed me to stand here today with trust in Jesus Christ. It was that season that taught me sometimes its ok to stand alone, but I was really never alone, he was there with me forming my wings for me to fly right into the place he wanted me to be.
It was the surrender that allowed me to be at peace. My hope is that there will be someone out there who reads this message and chooses freedom for their own life. The dark valley was necessary– it is a part of my journey—and I’m so grateful for this journey I call life.
Thank you for reading this message, and thank you to every person out there who supports my business and my story!
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect from your weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
Thank you to Porter’s Apparels for working with me to create this design and not kicking me to the curb for being one of their most difficult customers !