Today, my baby turned two. Two years old. Where did these last two years go? Time is flying and I wish at moments I could make time stand still, yet as I watch her grow and hit all these new milestones I’m so proud as I watch her.
Truth be told there were times in my life I didn’t know if I would be a mother. There were times in life I didn’t even know if I wanted children. That may sound harsh but it’s the truth. So when I found out I was pregnant I am so ashamed to say that I wasn’t filled with all of these beautiful motherly emotions and instincts but more of total fear. Total fear of the future, total fear of becoming a mom, of being someone’s mom.
I never dreamt my life would be this beautiful that I would feel so much fulfillment- that becoming a mother would change my life in such a way that my selfish little brain couldn’t even begin to understand Pre-Emelia. Emelia changed my life. In more ways than she will ever know. She is one of the most beautiful souls I have ever laid eyes on. She brings so much joy to each life she encounters. She has brought more happiness to my life than I ever thought possible. When I look at her I see love and I want to be the best version of myself for her because I want to give her my best in everything I do.
She’s hilarious. She belts out in song at the most random of times. Her giggle is one that will make you want to belly laugh yourself. Her smile, that gap tooth, imperfect smile is my favorite. Her eyes are the perfect shade of her daddy’s blue and mommy’s green and she’s got one of the best heads of hair I’ve ever seen. But what I also know about her, what I see about her even at two years old, is her heart is so beautiful. She is kind. If I can continue to teach that sweet girl one thing– it will be to continue to be kind in an unkind world. It takes courage to show emotion- to show feelings- and my prayer is that she will always do so.
She can be as serious as they come and then give you that smirk that lets you know she’s not as serious as she plays herself off to be. She tests the limits and stands up for herself even at two. In her Maga’s words “She’s not going to take any shit”.
She gives the best hugs (when she chooses) and one of the latest things that she melts my heart with are her words “la you too” (love you too).
I adore this child. Every piece of her. I adore her even in the moments when she tests me because she has taught me more about life and myself in these two short years than life any point in life prior to her.
If I don’t accomplish any thing else with my time here on this earth I have total fulfillment that I have been able to be her mother–because she is my biggest accomplishment–she is the best gift I could have ever been blessed with–she is my world–and I love my daughter more than life itself. I thank God that he chose me for her and he chose her for me.
My Emelia Brynn I love you so.