After my brother and I graduated high school my mom sold our childhood home and headed to her dream town, Crown Point. The home she purchased and still lives in to this day.
When I stepped into that home for the first time, I looked over to my mom and said “You’re going to buy this house” and that she did. It’s an absolutely beautiful place. The character, the yard, the street, everything about her house is pretty perfect.
The house was and is pretty perfect, but for me, it just wasn’t home. It never was and never would feel like that place we left. In fact, I still drive by that old house a few towns over every so often and I get all warm and fuzzy inside as I turn down that street.
There’s a long road, route 231, that I took frequently to get back to my mom’s house after spending time with my boyfriend (now husband), friends, or other family members many years ago when I made that drive back toward “home” which is only 20-35 minutes to get to where I was going, but I hated that drive. I mean, I hated it.
Fast forward life—In 2014 I started this Simply Emelia journey and this business took me right back down Route 231 to “mom’s” hometown to try to get someone on board with my little idea to put some words on a t-shirt. God placed people in my life to lead me, guide me, and truly believe in my passion with me. He continued to take me right back down that road I once dreaded so much.
I began to talk to God on those drives. I played music that helped me sing, praise, speak to my Jesus. My heart softened again after I had let the world harden me. I sang, I worshiped, I prayed–soon it became one of my favorite roads to travel.
In September we moved to “mom’s” town, which is now where we call home.
I still travel that road, I still sing, I still talk to Jesus, but recently I’ve allowed myself to harden again. I can feel it. I can feel that fire starting to burn out I’ve allowed this life to take over.
Over the past few years I’ve learned a great deal about myself.
I’m a fighter by nature, I will fight for what I believe, for the people I love, for family, for friends, for relationships to the point of exhaution. I am passionate and overly emotional. I can be loyal to a fault.
But I also have this other quality that I’ve termed “my flight response”. When the hurts of life or exhaustion takes over I run–I isolate–and I want to. I want to isolate. I want to be alone. That “flight response” allows me to go right to that place where I’m comfortable. But it is also is my scary place–I become so complacent with being alone– being alone is where I am happy, where I can shut the rest of this world out–including shutting out my Jesus.
I don’t want help, I don’t want to let that guard back down, I want control and Jesus tells me otherwise and in that moment I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to feel it.
So there I drove last night, back down 231. There I listened. There I cried. There I sang.
“Break my heart for what breaks yours until you are all I’m living for, show me what it means not just to believe but to remain.“
I come back home to Christ often but I also find myself taking flight shortly after.
“Jesus give me what it takes to stay. Do not let the hardness of this world harden my heart. Make me a devoted follower to you. Help me to give you full control in this life. When I run, may I run to you not to be alone. May I know that there in those quiet moments I am not alone but with you and may I hear your voice clearly.”
I boldly ask that you pray for me. Pray for me to be a better follower to Jesus, pray for me to long for company, friendships, relationships verse isolation and being alone. Pray for me to long to stay on this road with Jesus. To walk his road with him.
Pray for me that I make a commitment in 2016 to Christ and not just profess my faith to Him for all to know before a congregation but live my life out His way.
It would be so easy to come to this blog and give you the latest sweet potato recipe I made this week.
To talk about our new puppy Hooch(she’s super cute).
To talk about all the funny thing’s my sweet, sassy girl is doing.
Or even to tell you how great this life is–and it really is.
But sometimes you just need to be real. Life is never what it may seem through those Facebook and Instagram posts. Life is never as perfect as a blog post may make it appear to be. Life is happening. The struggle is real some days.
Today though, today coffee and that beautiful music coming through the speakers speaking His gospel into my heart–today– those things are keeping me quiet-quiet enough to hear his voice again.
And I can’t forget about Route 231. Who would have ever thought I’d begin a love affair with a road I once dreaded traveling? But it’s there, it’s there I’ve come to know I hear his voice too.